One-Eyed Josephine’s On The Loose Tonight

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(I’ve gotten a few emails asking me to post some more not-poetry. This was my second not-poem. It was written for a friend who’s no longer a friend. Go figure.) (BTW…just try formatting anything here. Even editing the images. WTF.)

One-Eyed Josephine’s on the loose tonight!
She’s itching to fuck and she’s itching to fight
She’s been in her lair counting bones and hair
Stacking possibilities she grabs from the air
She’s a philosopher ‘ho with a chasm to fill
She’s unsafe, unshaven, spring-loaded to kill
She lives in a palatial windowless shed
Her right eye sees all, her left eye is dead
She comes from the sewers, she comes from the woods
She comes gift-wrapped with ribbons and blood
When Josephine prowls, wolves howl at the moon
Alley cats growl from Main Street to Khartoum
Gargoyles lick their lips in dark buttresses
Meter and rhyme fall flat on their faces
In the sewer she grabs a fat rat and feasts
She slurps the tail down like spaghetti alla beast

Josephine spies bubbles in the thick pitch of night
She gobbles them up and burps darkness and light
She has no childhood; she’s always been here
Hiding in crevasses, hiding in your beer
When a particle jumps from here to there
Without traversing matter and air
You can be sure
It jumped through Josephine’s scraggly hair

She’s the soup of the cosmos, ready to stir
The colors of creation bleed into her

Yes, One-Eyed Josephine’s on the loose tonight
Licking her jowls with a city in sight
A city, spruced up with tinsel and light
Fenced-in parks and do not disturb signs
Hanging on doorknobs where conventioneers sleep
“Time to wake up, and suck on my teat,” she growls
“I’ve got a schedule of havoc to keep,
And nothing will be as it was when I’m done.”

One-eyed Josephine’s on the loose tonight, oh my god, she’s spreading her magic all over this city where a meadow once breathed dandelion scent and squirrel droppings into the air beside a brook with trout and hills with trees and wild grass and ants that walked fiercely into the day without a sea of mindless humans stepping on their lives

a place of peace and quiet and worship to God and Goddess and all their work in creating the perfect edge along a blade of grass

Under One-Eyed Josephine’s gaze, mortar heats and melts and bricks slide away and buildings lose sight of reality as they slip into a pool of plumbing and home entertainment systems dissolving into building slush
and car tires suddenly turn square


and careen into clattering stops and starts and stops as telephone wires and power lines turn into webbing and fly away in the breeze of a Josephine fart as she turns her gaze on an all night Wal-Mart where consumer zombies crowd things they’ll never need into lines of shopping carts
shopping carts lined up like legions of hungry pits on wheels with the latest in Van Gogh’s Starry Night reproduced in affordable and life-like petroleum products and autographed by the artist


Right there at the bottom


This must be real

It’s what I’ve always wanted

The TV told me so

The price is so affordable

Here’s my debit, here’s my VISA, here’s my MasterCard, here’s my Wal-Mart card with only 29 % interest

but it’s autographed by Vincent


At the bottom”

And yes Josephine sees and under her gaze the carts turn into creatures from Vincent’s mad mind all curly lines and firey demons and ears begging for love and they blaze with the fury of madfire melting their credit cards and their last words

“But it’s autographed, by the artist


The store trembles and the carts dissolve and the all night Wal-Mart dissolves into porridge sprinkled with the disbelieving eyeballs of disappointed shoppers and their dislocated hands still clutched around plastic cards evaporating into the fumes of their shopping experience and Josephine’s unshaven armpit sweat

Now One-eyed Josephine turns her hellion eye on a downtown dance club frequented by the chosen, the privileged and the oh-so-cool

She floats over disintegrating pavement to a door where post-death-disco e-noise screams for release and she turns the loggerhead bouncers into dust as they check their list of the favored

Josephine has her own list and she smells her prey, smells his aftershave and manicured fingernails and testicles and perfect hair

She melts through the doors and drifts like primal fury across the floor erasing ceiling and walls and mildly amused trendies with a wink and a terrible kiss leaving only their eyebrows hanging awkwardly before speakers draining insane music from the electric air

The city outside is gone

strange roots and seeds take over the night and spread their tentacles through the remains of metropolitan bowels
And One-Eyed Josephine sees HIM, alone, his perfect friends and perfect business cards and thousand dollar shoes gone
She wafts like a breeze from a thousand hells searing the floor in a path to his face
He knows yes he knows that look in Josephine’s one eye and he yells under the stars

“One-eyed Josephine, don’t take my virginity

I was saving it for eternity

I’m Virgin Metrosexual Man, cool tender and soft

Just look at my man purse and boy skirt

I’m well oiled and macho-doffed

I have ointments and emulsions

I flirt like a humming bird…”

Josephine cuts him off

“Eternity is now my little boy bitch. So stop your whimpering, it’s time to get hitched.”

She pulls off his man purse and man skirt, strips off his Betty Boop boxer shorts
licks off his patchouli aftershave and ruffles his perfect hair
Her man’s eyes are wild and bleeding with fear

He screams from the void “What am I doing here?”

He howls with joy, he howls with fright

He howls with Josephine throughout the night

Faraway cities crumble and fall

Flicker and spit as they sink in the maw

And Josephine’s man, all bloodied and beat

Steaming and burning from Josephine’s heat

Crawls into her womb and curls happily

To sleep in peace for eternity

As the land outside shivers and shakes

Roils and rumbles, quivers and quakes

Levels and settles and fills with lakes

And streams and flowers and trees bearing babies

Saved from the cities’ fate

A new age of ant walks fearlessly on grass and heather

Now that that Josephine’s put it together

And given the babies a second chance

To use their lives to sing and dance

And One-Eyed Josephine goes back

To stacking possibilities

She grabs from the air