100 People, 10 Bats and 1 Cat Blowing Up – Episode 26 (But the Coffee’s Good)

(Previously, a man found solace from his dead wife. Today, Cora kind of regrets not getting her project sent off in time, but the coffee’s good.)

Today’s gratuitous photo is a weird tree. Because sometimes trees can be weird.)

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Cora Darling heard it on the radio. She wasn’t sure whether to believe it or not. She turned on the TV to see if its news agreed with the radio’s news. The screen scratched out static on every channel. She went to her home office and turned on her computer to see if the internet agreed with the radio. She frowned at the white screen with the block letters: You are not connected to the internet. She went back to the kitchen and sat at the table where steam still wavered over the top of her coffee cup. She picked it up and sipped. She had an assignment to deliver to a client in two hours. She could have done that two hours earlier but it was so beautiful out that she spent those two hours on the back deck admiring her view of the city in the distance, the light cloud of smog surrounding it, the glints and glitters from cars and buses and trucks streaming like metal water through the city streets and turnpikes.

And then it was time to get back to work. But first a fresh coffee made from the imported beans she’d bought online and had just arrived that morning.

She wasn’t even sure why she’d turned on the radio. It was just there, on the table, facing her, unused for almost a year. She turned the dial and the radio face lit up and the news channel blared: We’re getting reports of explosions in…

And then static. Most of the stations were static. Others emitted confused news reports. No one seemed to know what was going on. Two DJs joked about a weekend fishing trip one of them had “survived.” One channel played classical music. Cora thought that it sounded like Mozart. She left the radio on that station for now.

She’d had a feeling when she woke up this morning. She wasn’t sure what the feeling was, but she remembered it being nothing good, like biting into a genetically modified peach and feeling the pit shattering around your teeth. Her back was to the glass doors leading out to the deck. She didn’t have to look to see it. The wall in front of her suddenly burst into brilliant light. I should have finished it and sent it off before taking a break. The coffee cup was to her mouth. And this is really great coffee. The light from behind her was so bright it seemed to burn out everything in its path with sheer brilliance alone, and not just a wave of heat and angry energy devouring everything in its path, including Cora, who managed to get one more sip of coffee before she evaporated along with the coffee and her schedule.


For more crazy writing by Biff Mitchel, visit Amazon.


100 People, 10 Bats and 1 Cat Blowing Up – Episode 10 (High School Confidential)

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(Previously, Kelsey messed back with the people messing with her head…sort of. Today, a high school drama plays out to the bitter end. Read on…

Today’s gratuitous photo is a road in the middle of nowhere. Don’t we all sometimes want to be nowhere?)


Jason was in love with Hannah. She sat in the row to his right, three chairs forward. He loved the way her long blonde hair flowed over her shoulders and showered down the back of her blue dress. The back was cut low and islands of flesh peeked through the shower of blonde. For Jason, natural science class was a forty-five minute erection that lasted after class, all the way home and into his bedroom where he filled his hand with thoughts of Hannah.

   Clark was also in love with Hannah. He sat in the row to the right of her, five chairs behind her and two behind Jason, where he could keep an eye on his unlikely rival. Clark had an advantage over Jason. He was popular, Jason was obscure. Who the hell do you think you are, staring at my girl, you fucking loser, thought Clark as he watched Jason watching Hannah.

   Hannah wasn’t technically Clark’s girl yet. He was going to ask her out after school today. She would, of course, say yes. After all, look who was asking her out. A group of the school’s most popular students would be watching. Hannah would see them. She would be flattered. Honored. She would blush and say, “Yes. Of course, Clark…I’ll go anywhere with you.” Yep, Clack had things pretty much sown up with Hannah. She was his girl.

   He pulled on the paper clip attached to the elastic held between his thumb and forefinger and let the paperclip loose. It shot across the aisle and straight into Jason’s neck.

   Jason’s entire body started at the sting. He slapped his right hand to the spot where the paperclip had hit. He turned and saw Clark smiling cruelly and giving him the finger. His erection quickly sagged into self-remorse. But that wasn’t going to stop him from asking Hannah if she’d like do something after school. He didn’t know what, but he’d think of something. Or maybe he’d just go home and jerk off.

   Hannah’s nipples were erect again, and they would be erect for the rest of the class and all way home and into her bedroom. She was in love with Rachel, who sat in the row to her left and one seat ahead of her. She loved the way Rachel’s long chestnut hair cascaded over her shoulders and fanned out across the back of her dark brown blouse. She looked down at Rachel’s long legs stretching out from her olive green mini dress and fantasized kissing those legs from the knees, up to her inner thighs and burying her head in paradise.

   Today’s the day, she thought. Today, she was going to ask Rachel if she’d like to hang out after school, maybe go for a coffee and maybe go back to her place and listen to music or watch a movie or get naked. Well, naked would come later. Hannah’s parents were gone for three days and she and Rachel had all the time they needed.

   Rachel loved natural history class. It brought her and Jason into the same room for forty-five minutes. She fantasized feeling his eyes on her hair as it splashed over her shoulders and across her back. She could almost feel his eyes on her. She imagined him leaning on one arm so that he could peer around the students in front of him to get a glimpse of her. She knew he was interested. He smiled at her in the lunchroom yesterday. She knew that she was a few pegs above him in the social scheme of things, but he was cute and brainy and he had a nice ass. What more could a girl want? He could help her with her homework. And he’d be so grateful to have her as his girl that he wouldn’t ever think about being with anyone else.

   Rachel decided that it was time to make Jason a happy boy. After school today. Right after school.

   Janet Granger, aka Miss Granger, hated teaching. She hated her students. They spent most of their time staring down at their cell phones. She could see the light from the cells shining up into their faces. Fuck them, she thought. I’ll flunk every god damn one of them.

   Except Clark.

   Janet Granger, aka Miss Granger, was in lust with Clark. There was something in his bearing that suggested a man inside, a man who could satisfy her throughout the night. Plus, he was devastatingly handsome. And he was popular with the students. He was the kind of man Janet always wanted in high school but, even though she was exceptionally good looking, she was quiet and shied away from relationships. The popular kids had always regarded her with suspicion.

   But not anymore. She was a woman now. University had stripped her of her timid virginity and she really couldn’t see anything wrong with getting it on with a man seven years her junior. What was seven years in the grand scheme of lust? When they were in her bed naked together, they would be a man and a woman…in bed…naked…together.

   Janet made up her mind that today was the day to make those first advances. She would hint that something might be possible. Maybe some quiet flirting. Didn’t every boy want to have sex with his natural science teacher? She had just the plan to get things started.

   The bell rang. School was about to end for the day.

   “Clark,” said Miss Granger. “Could I see you for a moment before you leave?”

   Tiny spikes of panic filled Clark’s stomach. He had to get to Hannah before she left. “But Miss Granger…”

   “It’ll only take a moment.”

   Clark plopped back down into his chair, his head filled with thoughts of strangling his natural science teacher to death. Miss Granger, sitting at her desk, surreptitiously undid the top two buttons of her blouse, revealing some very acceptable cleavage.

   In the hall, Hannah went straight to her locker, which was two lockers to the right of Rachel’s locker. She was a ball of excitement ready to bounce with the woman she wanted more than anything in the world. She stared into her locker, waiting for Rachel. How would she start? Maybe something like, “Say, Rachel, would you like to go for a coffee? We’ve been in the same class for three months now and I hardly know you.” She felt a finger touching her shoulder and felt a thrill rush through her body. It’s Rachel. She turned her head. It wasn’t Rachel. It was that pesky Jason kid who was always eye-balling her. Just as she was about to tell him to fuck off, Rachel came up one side of him and put her hand on his arm. Jason turned to face her.

   “Hey, Jason,” said Rachel, all beautiful smiles and legs. “Would you like to go for a coffee? I mean, we’ve been in the same natural history class all term and I hardly know you.”

   Jason’s mind went numb. Rachel was just as beautiful as Hannah, but Hannah, though he loved her dearly till the end of time, was an unknown. Would she go out with him or would she tell him to fuck off? Rachel, who was just as beautiful as Hannah, was a sure thing. It was too much for him to comprehend. His brain froze.

   Rachel’s mind was in full gear with the pedal to the floor. “Why, hi Rachel,” she said coyly. “Jason and I were just going for a coffee. Would you like to join us?”

   Rachel wasn’t sure what to think, but here was a chance to get to know Jason better. And maybe the three of them could become friends, though she would be much friendlier with Jason. “Sure, I’d love to go for a coffee.”

   Just as Jason’s mind was beginning to thaw from shock enough to say something, a pallor fell over the hall. The lights flickered and the earth rumbled in some faraway region that seemed to have no direction but have every direction. In an instant, his brain went from frozen to fried, from confused to resolved.

   Hannah, still smiling coyly, was suddenly one with Rachel as their bodies slammed together and fused into one thing before being swept into the hallway walls.

   It’s uncertain what happened in the classroom.



 For more crazy writing by Biff Mitchel, visit Amazon.